17 years ago today my mother died

It is 17 years today since my mother died......

 I think back to when I was the only child, the first child,with new parents...!!!

Mothers back then were home makers and unless really bad unusual circumastances never worked outside the family home.

The infrastructure for women and having families was child endownment of 3 pounds how many times a year ??? 3 or 4 or 2

So there in the family federation timber home during the day was me and mum !!!

Many times one was told get outside into fresh air and play....

Or

I could "help" pull the innards from the freshly killed chook from the chook pen ! 

I also aligned the chooks as my friends 

& 

I have never ever eaten poultry !

There were times I was naughty and shut in the bathroom with that heavy door knob I could never open...

I would say LET ME OUT 

"are you going to be good"

NO 

so there I stayed...

We always had this relationship.....

I was raised to be & take responsibility  and so I did.

When things got tough for Mum she confided in me...way too you to be given that responsibility and so it went on.

But I respected her as my mother but rarely asked for guidance because she yelled a lot as I began high school.....

I always felt I never quite measured up, a disappointment & being a girl in the best baby boom I was a bit of a liabilty...

When Mum was dying it was with shock I saw her graciousness....and making it easy for her 3 children 

I also saw what I have worked hard on technique to be agreeable was what Mum was doing in the 5 days she took to exit this world...

It was a sudden departure.

I was grateful I had some great times with her in Melbourne as went places & she never tired.

It was a departure that caused many splits in the family that she just wanted to get along as she lay in that hospital bed going yellower by the day.....

So she had many traits she passed on and probably genetically linked to a daughter.... and often I reflect back on her teachings and way she nurtured thru worry !!!

I laugh now, all for nothing that worry was Ma

You are the only Mother I knew and you are my memory of you in fragments and at times big slabs

But there you lay & I could not quite erase that memory I thought of often of your body decaying in the box under the ground.