I sure need a distraction

 I love what I do....

I am grateful for being able to express myself in this way.

How fortunate am I to allow the paint to move across wood, or watercolour paper or fabric...to fill in my illustrations...that come from within.....

I have been on a discovery journey, not associated with art although art is a soother from sometimes when a harsh world intrudes again and again.

The world of aggression

 from, first my father and then adult brothers.

It was not a journey I needed to be on 

or one I booked to have a front row seat.

I never wanted to observe

 or 

be part 

or the target of this abuse again.

I have learnt much in the this month of May..

I felt like being sucked down into a vortex of scrum.

Without my art work and also the way I look at the world I may never have arrived at finding answers... as if I had not all along

..but research and abuse have been topics to set many of us on a different level of travelling our worlds where we only ever sought peace, hated violence and really felt for others in abusive situations 

and 

also felt powerless to help others because one had it present there in life ..

Think of being hunted not necessarily daily or monthly but always in their sights.

Like a dog that is rather sweet and lovely and you think you have a nice relationship with this one dog & suddenly it attacks....this is how the abuse presents.

It immediately destroys one's peace and life .....

the threat of violence lingers .....

I grew up with that explosive temper from my father and I moved well away as soon as I could.

I had loved my father but his displays of violence or used his size to intimidate and also his parental rights to discipline and his bellowing...

made my growing up and also for my brothers a bit of a normal situation.

Now it is many many years since i got on a bus out of a country town.....

This time i drove back in...

I dealt with discovering in the most, why my father changed to this ugly man who used alcohol to what came to pass as help him be more angry & aggressive. 

He had suffered in the Darwin bombing by being right there, and muzzled by secrecy laws of the time...so bottled up on what I have learnt was already a tempered man.....

So for me I finally was rid of PTSD free at last

and then I was able to bring in the memories of earlier childhood and family.

Now another page has fallen open 

well 2 pages flicked into one nearly in May....

I need to draw, paint & clean house also today.....