Christmas Nears...without certain things

The days tick by...towards the arrival of Santa Claus.

I paint and I draw and experiment and find much peace in that.  

It has been a long year one way and another... and does not help that my age also ticks up...each day really need to be lived well....but often frittered away.

The weather is more wintery than summer. Which I don't mind except winds do blow hard. I think it is unusual and disturbs the serenity...a bit

My toe has been sadly infected and much has gone on to fix that....as well as in amongst that I have discovered gout....

The fillings and issues after being filled with new dental practice has all just been a daily kind of grind.

On the one hand I am grateful BUT ....

well I am grateful for the ability to sit and draw and paint and imagine a creative world and life....

I am grateful I have almost finished a major work with PTSD.... that has been with me for so many many years...from the violence etc due to alcohol in my childhood family....it is now hard to walk over those words that I guess I do not want to be misinterpreted.

I have needed to finally clear the memories that triggered one way or another or another and find of course my beloved father underneath the bombing of Darwin for which he carried PTSD and his memories.

He self medicated and lost himself and rejected all else .So sad that loss of lives through beer and the need to cope or not......

Now I can go back before the heavy drinking began to the beautiful memories of a father I adored and vice versa...

Then I discovered the family unit us 3 Mum. Dad . Me 

 I felt the wholeness come back & is still coming back, I knew I was dearly loved and understand why the rejection at about age 8 was so raw for me.

Then I questioned does arthritis come with carrying such long deep wounds for years...?

I already had a diagnosed arthritis with a genetic identifer and the gout has added to the party.

is it just the toxic finding a way out...I'd love to think so...

Could be, I keep an open hopeful mind. In the next blog my travels and how, why that came about.

Most artists are complex and have lead complex lives in one way or another....

but I am grateful I have been give a gift of painting & drawing and creating. 

Then I will